I was remembering a conversation from back in the day when I went to the barber shop and had a flattop. My barber and I started talking about over-scheduled children. He wondered how parents keep up with all of their kids’ activities. Many parents wonder the same thing. Today, in my office, they still ask if they should be taking their children to soccer practice, music lessons, robotics, church, and Sunday school. If a child is serious about sports, should they have a private coach or play club sports when the school season ends? Do families have time to eat a home-cooked meal or sit down together at the table? When do children study, and how can they possibly have any free time? Are the children able to run around in the yard or play with kids in the neighborhood?
In blended families, biological and stepchildren may split time between parents, which can increase the number of activities and the amount of driving required. It is easy to see why many families need a shared calendar across devices just to keep up. How did our society become so flooded with activities for children? When can they possibly fit in their schoolwork? And why are so many children sleep-deprived?
In 1961, President Dwight Eisenhower warned that we should “guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence” of the “military-industrial complex.” That seemed odd coming from a General. After all, didn’t we need a strong military to protect us from the evil ones in other countries? He talked about influence from congressional members and large companies that employ thousands of citizens, benefiting from government contracts to supply equipment and services that keep us safe. Blend in our well-founded fear that dictators can do bad things and that we need to protect ourselves, and the lines between what we need and what we want become blurred. What does the military-industrial complex have to do with being a parent keeping up with children’s activities?
Maybe the military-industrial complex is a poor metaphor for the economic and social engines that pull parents and kids into a never-ending list of opportunities. Parents should guard against the child development industrial complex. This advice may seem odd coming from a clinical mental health counselor. After all, don’t we need opportunities for our children in STEM, sports, music, dance, camp, church, and service to the community to become good citizens and responsible, productive adults? Cultural messages from teachers, coaches, peers, churches, travel ball, orchestra, art, and science camps influence parents and kids to participate. In addition, companies that employ millions of people to supply clothing, equipment, and services promote the benefits of success in the products they promote.
Research suggests that sleep-deprived, over-busy, and over-scheduled children experience increased stress and impaired attention. Does it surprise you to learn that, as of 2023–2025, healthcare providers have diagnosed an estimated 12.7% to 13.2% of Alabama children (aged 3–17) with ADHD? Before we become parents, we need to reflect on our values to prepare us better to contend with the large, well-meaning enterprise that sucks parents and kids into the activities they “need” so they can “fit” into the “right” groups and be ready for whatever opportunities may become available to them. We need to guard against the child development industrial complex.
Do you over-schedule children? How much do you value your influence as a parent? Do you talk with your children? Do you know how to have a conversation without a lecture? Who are the coaches, the tutors, the youth volunteers, and the leaders with whom you entrust your child? Do you want to know if these people share your values and with whom your child could have a serious conversation? Are you investing your weekend time traveling to dance or sports competitions because you believe the experience will lead to a college scholarship for your child?
What impact do all of these activities being discussed have on school performance, sleep deprivation, building friendships, and faith development? Any seemingly infinite number of activities can be good or bad, but parents would do well to weigh the costs and benefits. Too much church commitment can be a bad thing, as too much sport, too much music, or too much video gaming.
Parents should resist the unwitting influence of the child development industrial complex to avoid over-scheduling their children. Sitting in front of a screen as a family isn’t necessarily family time. Remember, the human brain responds to activity by building neural pathways. What kind of attention do you choose to strengthen in you and your child? Not choosing is choosing to pay attention to something.
David Barnhart, EdD
Licensed Counselor
Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor
